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If you click on this blog, chances are you know somebody who has a miscarriage or you yourself had one. We are so sorry. It can be such a difficult and traumatic event to go through. We hope you are coping well with it.
For the person experiencing it firsthand, miscarriage can do a lot to your body. No two people’s experiences are exactly the same, and even if they are quite similar, different people experience grieve differently. If you are
1) Be Present for Them
If they are silent at first, it might not remain that way for long. There will come a time when they feel slightly better and can talk a little bit about it. Make sure to be there when they do and if you don’t have the right words for it, just listen to what they have to say. Listen not to quickly provide solutions, but listen to understand how they are going through with it and to assure them that they have you around. And even if it does not seem like they will talk anytime soon, a company in silence is still a company that will make you feel less lonely.
2) Talk (Gently) About the Loss
This one is highly related to the first one, but still comes second because listening is the first step to it. Understandably, it is never an easy matter to talk about. Take your time before you get to it. However, what not to do is ignoring the event like it didn’t happen. Or pretending that you are both okay with it when the reality is not like that. When something devastating like this happens, it only makes sense to want to express how you feel about it, no matter in what way. When you are ready to talk to your partner, be kind to each other.
Try not to console them with messages that imply that you could still “try for another” or “there will always be next time”. Each child is special to the parents, including the one(s) you never get to meet. Furthermore, even if you have more kids in the future, none of them can ‘replace’ the one you have lost. Talking about possible future pregnancies is the absolute wrong way to help the situation it. If anything, it can make your partner feel more distant than ever.
What they need is an understanding listening ear, kind empathy, and reassurance of your love for them. Focus on the loss you both have just experienced and do what you need to get through it together.
3) Take Care of Their Meals
Due to the loss, some people might lose appetite or do not feel like taking care of their body’s condition as much at this point. But, what to eat after abortion or miscarriage? If you yourself are not the best cook or uncertain of what kinds of post abortion food should your spouse be having at this point to recover, you can look for confinement meals instead.
At Tian Wei Signature, all our fusion and traditional meals are crafted with a new mother’s body condition in mind. We provide what every mother needs, which is quite similar to the ideal diet for after abortion care food. We are also guided by an in-house certified dietitian who places great focus on helping post-birth mothers recover from blood loss, weakened body, and dispirited energy. Our meals are made to replenish their nutrients, helping to improve their overall health, as well as boosting their moods.
4) Get Professional Support
Both of you may be at a loss now. Miscarriage is generally not something common that couples experience. On top of that, dealing with such a grief can put a strain on the best of relationships. If you feel like the loss is creating some distance pushing you two away from another without seeing any possible way to resolve it, try to get some professional support. Either you go alone first or suggest going together with your partner, it is a huge step that can help with the situation.
If you join any local support group, some of your peers from it could give some suggestions on local counselling services. Look for local counselling for couples or parents, or one that is specifically for dealing with miscarriage. Support like these will give you the safe space to express your feelings and your worries while also allowing you to calmly accept solutions from a professional expert.
5) Take Your Time to Let It Sink In
Don’t rush it. This event can be so traumatic to the point that it changes the life perspectives of many people. Even if you feel better one day, your feelings towards the loss could change the next. It will be the same for most people grieving, so don’t feel bad or worse, feel mad towards yourself for not getting over it. Give yourself and your spouse more time to heal from it. When it seems that your spouse suddenly gets deeply affected by it again, remember number (1) up there.
With all of that said, your mental health matters just as much. Your spouse experienced it firsthand, but you are the next closest person affected by this. Have you come to terms with what happened? Are you yourself coping well? Try to find help or support from any possible sources around you. Your friends and family are also probably at a loss in finding ways to provide their help for you, so if ever offered, don’t reject their support.
We hope you and your spouse will get through this in the best way possible. Take your time to heal from the loss and take care of yourself just as much as you try to take care of your loved ones.